Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
