Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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