conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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