I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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