So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
