Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
