you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
