I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
