After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize