I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
