Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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