dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
