Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
