Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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