i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
