I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
