So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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