I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
