I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
