I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
