Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
