Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
