He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
