I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
