There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
