I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
