When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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