Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
