if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
