happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
