His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
