Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
