Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
