Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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