so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize