Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
