I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
