I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
