I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
