Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
