he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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