So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
