Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
