I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize