ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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