Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
