I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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