I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
