I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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