It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
