Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize