You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
