SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
