At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
