so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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