the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
