Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
