We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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