I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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