I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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