Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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