Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
