my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
