i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
