my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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