You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
