What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
