let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
