Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
