last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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