ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
