She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
