Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
third nipple confirmed
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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