Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
