everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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