A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
People in love make me want to vomit
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
