Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
