oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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