You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
