how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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