my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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