I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
