I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
