4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
