need another drink. this is the easiest way
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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