Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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